Kristy:

Caution: Very honest feelings and emotions ahead: Thinking things through so it might not all make sense:

I feel a lot like paul...

Romans 7:15-25 the message

What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So if I can't be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God's command is necessary.

17-20But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.

21-23It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God's commands, but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.

24I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question?

25The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.


so this is my heart...this is what i do...so many times...and to so many people...Not only with my Father but with my husband...my daughter...by friends...my family...

so often I have wonderful intentions but that's all they end up being...if the saying "it's the thought that counts" was 100% true then I would be amazing (sometimes)...

i don't know if it is laziness or fear that keeps me from just loving God and others how I really desire to...

my heart is broken over my selfishness and my fear of just jumping...i desire to love with no constraints...

myself gets in the way far too often...my thoughts of all the what ifs overcome my ability to love...

my heart and who i am in Christ doesn't get out enough! my stupid selfish flesh runs my life far too often...

i do not have to allow my flesh all these opportunities to take over and be stupid...

i know i need to choose to believe truth and choose to be joyful...yet, do i?

i will today!
I will have joy!
I will love freely!
I will obey!
I will listen to truth!
I will truly believe truth!
I will know that I am the Kings!
I know my Father is taking care of me and loves me more than anything!
I know i can be a great wife and mother as long as I am allowing the Holy Spirit to live through me!
i choose to believe all of this even when I turn off this computer and things are silent!
i choose to believe You over what my self says as I compare myself to others...
I choose TRUTH!!!