Jesse and Kristy: The Blog

Kristy:

Caution: Very honest feelings and emotions ahead: Thinking things through so it might not all make sense:

I feel a lot like paul...

Romans 7:15-25 the message

What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So if I can't be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God's command is necessary.

17-20But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.

21-23It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God's commands, but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.

24I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question?

25The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.


so this is my heart...this is what i do...so many times...and to so many people...Not only with my Father but with my husband...my daughter...by friends...my family...

so often I have wonderful intentions but that's all they end up being...if the saying "it's the thought that counts" was 100% true then I would be amazing (sometimes)...

i don't know if it is laziness or fear that keeps me from just loving God and others how I really desire to...

my heart is broken over my selfishness and my fear of just jumping...i desire to love with no constraints...

myself gets in the way far too often...my thoughts of all the what ifs overcome my ability to love...

my heart and who i am in Christ doesn't get out enough! my stupid selfish flesh runs my life far too often...

i do not have to allow my flesh all these opportunities to take over and be stupid...

i know i need to choose to believe truth and choose to be joyful...yet, do i?

i will today!
I will have joy!
I will love freely!
I will obey!
I will listen to truth!
I will truly believe truth!
I will know that I am the Kings!
I know my Father is taking care of me and loves me more than anything!
I know i can be a great wife and mother as long as I am allowing the Holy Spirit to live through me!
i choose to believe all of this even when I turn off this computer and things are silent!
i choose to believe You over what my self says as I compare myself to others...
I choose TRUTH!!!

So I was reading the Love Letter, as called by my dear friend Kelly Ann, and me being not all knowing starting wondering what the word reconcile and reconciled and reconciliation really mean...so i went to dictionary.com and looked it up... these are the verses i read in the NIV version....

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

Now this is it with the definition put in....

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a NEW CREATION; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who reestablished a close relationship between us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reestablishing a close relationship between(us and God): that God was reestablishing a close relationship between the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reestablishing a close relationship between( God and man). We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reestablished a close relationship between God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

Kinda weird to read but the heart of it is AMAZING!! To know that it is really all about relationships! I love it!! To know that is what God wants is a relationship with us! Not just any relationship, but a CLOSE one!!!! Thank you God for loving us this much!!!!

kristy...
warning: this is me venting...


so for some reason the past few days i have felt blah...i know it isn't all about feelings but i hate when i feel so stagnant...i hate not feeling motivated or wanting to even get out of bed...i've been sleeping late and when i'm awake i don't want to do much besides spend time with rae...i've been joyful (well happy)...i've had good times with family and friends...i've laughed and smiled and life has been good but still no motivation with God...no passion...how do things change so quickly..just last week i was so ready for life with Jesus and this week i'm struggling to even spend time with Him...what is my deal...anyway, i just needed to get that out of my system...This will change...I choose to spend time with Jesus despite my feelings! I choose to believe truth over lies...i choose to get motivated and to spend time with the One who will motivate me!

..and this to shall pass...

kristy:

while Rae is sleeping I wanted to jot down something I was thinking about earlier...

i was half watching the Bonnie show today while playing with rae and heard somethings that caught my attention...

there was a lady on there talking about divorce and marriage...they were saying things that I have realized about life and that I feel like most Christians realize about life at some point...but the difference in what this lady was saying was that she, nor anyone else talking, had any hope that marriages could succeed...if they lasted they couldn't be happy, it would only be out of a feeling of obligation that people are together because if it's love than it won't last. She said things about how marriages in the past have lasted because of the community and how they stay together for the sake of others. there is a responsibility. She said something about being ok with falling out of love.

Then it hit me! The thing that these people are missing, the thing that could keep their marriages together through all the crap in the world, is God! That's why you can't figure out how to make it work. That's why one always ends up leaving or giving up, they don't know how to take it to God. They don't know that they need to be finding their worth in Him not their spouse! They don't get the truth so they of course have no HOPE!

Praise God that I know Him and have hope that when things are tough, God is there to get us through and when I am full of irrational emotions, I can rely on His truth!

Kristy:

Bear with me through this...it is very random...

so lately things have been changing in my heart and in my life.

I am learning a lot and be reminded of even more.

I think I forgot (or forgot to apply) many things that God has taught me in my life.

today i was talking to a friend about her life and what God is doing and started to think about a time when God broke many bondages in my life and showed me what freedom is!

recently i have been thinking a lot about my relationship with Jesus and how it has changed (for the better and not so better). I kept thinking about what is different then when I was in college.
(besides being married and having a baby)

last wed we went to an event at BCF for the youth groups from this area. I saw a lot of students being goofy and working with the youth. While sitting in the pew thinking about this a question(s) popped into my head/heart...

What has happened to you?
Where is your goofiness?
Where is your passion?

I know that goofiness and passion don't seem to be 2 things that go together all the time but in this situation, they do! I got a little mad at myself. I've been holding back. I've been acting "how a mom should act", How a "youth pastor's wife" should act! That is so STUPID! I haven't been me because I keep playing parts. When I got married I was the "little wifey" now I was the "mother" that everyone thinks I should be. Holy crap! If I keep doing this I'm going to be miserable and not being who God created me to be!
I'm not saying I'm not going to keep being a mom, I will now and forever be one! Nor will I stop being a wife to Jesse Paul but now I will be Kristy Ottesen doing these things! I don't want to live up to anyone's standards I just want to enjoy doing this life!

anyway...this is a random post but I am sick of titles/expectations that we have to live up to, I just want to enjoy living! I mean isn't that what freedom is all about!