Jesse and Kristy: The Blog

So I am not sure where to begin with this post... I guess I will make is somewhat brief, this is hard for me since I am a very detailed person (obviously)! A few years back me and my bestie got healthy, by God's grace and only because of Him. I lost 30 lbs ish(at one time I had lost 45 lbs from my heaviest) and was not eating fast food and was working out. I was feeling great! Healthy Physically, Mentally, and Spiritually! It was wonderful...then.... life happened....I got busy....I got burdened....I got stressed...I got UNFOCUSED... My eyes were focused on Christ and therefore everything suffered... Whenever I would get back to being focused on God and His Truth i would be healthy mentally and spiritually but the physical has lacked....Now to be a little gracious to myself, I did have two babies and my hormones were crazy....BUT still no reason for me to be only 20 lbs from the heaviest I have ever been...needless to say, without even talking about my weight, I feel so unhealthy...my self control has lacked...I have been lazy and completely led by my feelings (that is a BIG problem in my life)...I sometimes wish my feelings would just stop so I could be logical! This all being said, Jesse and I are starting The Daniel Fast http://danielfast.wordpress.com/ I am not sure how long we are sticking to the strict plan, just doing as God tells us! I know this will be hard but so excited for the outcome and so thankful for Jesse (this was his idea!!)

let me start by saying this blog will be personal so please be aware of that fact :)
Lately...well for a while I have been "struggling" with being complacent/lazy with Jesus...I have decided to just allow whatever God wants to do in my life to randomly happen...with me not seeking Him out or putting forth effort...I feel like I sit and wait for God to completely change me and to send people in my life to help with that process yet I sit in my complacency and do nothing...I don't try to go make friends/build relationships, I don't try to reach out and love on the people that I am blessed enough to be surrounded by, i don't call and check on those that I know are hurting (sure, I think about them but nothing further), I do nothing for God's glory yet i sit and ask Him why He isn't speaking? Why I feel far from Him? I am sure He is saying things and I am so self absorbed to realize that...
This brings me to my next point...
i hate that my sin/rebellion doesn't only hurt me and my relationship with Jesus but it effects the people around me....those i am short with, those i don't show mercy to, those i judge, those that see my temper and hear my negative words, those that mimic me and are mimicing a woman i didn't think i could ever be again after meeting Jesus, I hate that my sin of laziness effects Jesse, Rae, Kennedy, and all the people I have a relationship with...even people at Walmart or any other store I walk into...
When we moved to NC I had such hope for what God could do and such faith that He would do it, then I started focusing on me...on what others thought...on my needs/wants/desires...stupid stuff like that! I know God has so much more for me...I know He wants me to have Joy and Hope...I know He is my God and He is good! He always hears my cry and I know he hears the recent cries of my heart! I know He loves me and will never leave me nor forsake me YET I have allowed myself to get so caught up in myself that I couldn't see the Truth...
Today I have decidded to choose Truth, to choose to get up and be involved in life again...to die to self...to come back to my Dad who loves me so much :)